I tried to identify the ingrained Protestant-colonizer-capitalist beliefs and work to undo them. Naming helps to see what I've inherited versus what I claim.
To work is the will of God.
Nobody cares, work harder.
Don't waste your potential.
If you're early you're on time, if you're on time, you're late.
Winning never gets old.
I spent an hour each day bound to a desk. Ankles tied, wrists weighted by a radio and a pile of bones. Unraveling months of knitting. I thought I could unravel those beliefs too.
They don't unravel.
The yarn piled up in the room for visitors to take. The tapestry disappeared. The mantras kept repeating. I'm not sure what I learned so much as what I couldn't escape.